Be a record holder (and a Nobel Price winner, too)!
How’s work going? For my share, experiments have been going awry for weeks (and still are) while my demanding lab taskmaster is becoming more and more bad-tempered (and so am I!).
Tons of failed experiments in mind, my research grant running out at lightning-speed and the next sensational blockbuster paper out of reach, I brainstormed about career alternatives – and had a sudden inspiration.
If you are one of these countless successful scientists, please jump ship immediately. The following is addressed to washed-up lab nerds.
++ Want to publish something in an illustrious medium (and gain fame at that)? ++
++ Want to hit the big time (and the Noble Price, if possible)? ++
++ Don’t want to manage millions of lab experiments for that goal? ++
Here’s the perfect answer: become part of the Guinness Book of World Records!
What to do?
A piece of cake: be the first to read the three billion pairs of bases of a human genome out loud and without stopping. That task will take about 9.5 years at reasonable reading rate (10 bases per second), according to calculations made by the Human Genome Organisation. After this, you should have earned an entry in the Guinness Book of World Records (and lifelong hoarseness, too).
Marc Abrahams, the mastermind of Improbable Research (“Research that makes people LAUGH and then THINK”), will also be enormously interested to hear from you. Maybe there’s another Ig Nobel Prize on the way?
BTW: Mr Gene would of course also be pleased to receive any information on your ground-breaking record experiment.
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